


A Hundred Lifetimes

by kumjongin



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Fluff, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-23
Updated: 2018-01-23
Packaged: 2019-03-08 13:05:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13458870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kumjongin/pseuds/kumjongin
Summary: In which Jongin and Sehun find each other every lifetime.





	A Hundred Lifetimes

i.

 

The first time he caught sight of Sehun, they were dressed in their finest robes, standing in line to be ordained. Jongin licked his lips, gaze catching onto his for a long moment. He didn’t know his name yet, but he was the one to look away first, expression remaining dutifully somber as the head monk continued to speak on their behalf.

 

It was something they’d all worked long hours at, toiling away in meditation and practice in order to stand where they were on that day. Jongin shifted, something bubbling in the stare between them. There was a connection, a pull between them that made him want to find out why. 

 

They were holy men now, and Jongin knew that the stars were aligned that they weren’t meant to pursue some kind of cosmic bond that he was feeling between them. It made him see constellations, as though there was a path through all time that had strung them together. Something in seeing him made him feel as though they’d met before. In many lives, perhaps, but there was something in him that was as familiar as an old lover.

 

Jongin bowed his head as the monk came down to him, saying a few words and a prayer over his head. He mumbled a prayer back toward him, letting the weight of the words and holy presence fall over them. 

 

It was only after the ceremony, when the newly ordained monks stood outside the holy monastery, that he could seek him out. He stood next to him, and leaned his head slightly. “Hi,” he said quietly.

 

Some of the other monks were speaking as well, congregating about their newly appointed missions and tasks they’d be undertaking. “Hello,” he said, voice just as quiet.

 

His face was stern and somber, with a furrowed brow that caused him to look deep in thought. “I’m Jongin...have we met before...by chance?” he asked, though he didn’t think they had. Not in this lifetime.

 

“Sehun. I...don’t believe so,” he said, and finally there was a hint of a smile on his lips.

 

-

 

They passed one another on their ways to their respective duties, and Jongin felt a surge of warmth in every moment that it happened. Their gazes met, Jongin sometimes playfully moving so that Sehun had no choice. It usually made a soft smile draw upon his lips, and every time a chill ran down Jongin’s spine.

 

Logically, he couldn’t explain why he felt so drawn to him. They couldn’t actually find much time to see one another outside of their duties, and Sehun had never exactly expressed an interest in seeing him outside of those moments. But he never seemed to mind seeing him either.

 

It was late one night when Jongin found himself kneeling at a shrine, saying a few last prayers. His duties had run late, and there was a dragging tiredness in his body. However, as he rose from the earth, he became aware that someone else was in the room with him, and his gaze fell on Sehun’s.

 

He smiled. “You’re here late,” he said quietly. They hadn’t actually had many conversations outside of their initial introduction.

 

Sehun shrugged a shoulder. “I’m usually here late. I like the stars. It’s more peaceful at night. Everyone isn’t running around trying to fulfill everything. No one needs a blessing in the middle of the night, the head monks don’t need assistance...it’s nice.”

 

Jongin nodded. “Would you like to go for a walk? Take in some of the night air?”

 

There was a beat of silence before Sehun rose from where he was knelt on the ground as well, and walked over to join him. “I’d like that,” he said softly.

 

They exchanged a smile, and they walked silently out of the shrine. For long moments they simply walked, taking in the cool, crisp air. The fire sparkled between them as they came even remotely close to one another, and Jongin wondered if he was the only one who could feel it. The stars above them dotted the sky in little pinpoints, drawing a web of intricate patterns.

 

“Does it feel like we know each other?” Jongin asked, breaking the silence that fell between them.

 

Sehun glanced toward him. “You already asked if we’d met before,” he reminded gently.

 

But Jongin shook his head. “No, I know we haven’t met. But...doesn’t it kind of feel different? Like we don’t have to know each other to know each other?” As he spoke, the words sounded crazier and crazier. That probably made no sense, but he couldn’t shake the feeling.

 

To his surprise, Sehun laughed. It was the first laugh he’d heard, and it was a deep sound that filled Jongin with warmth. “You know...it sounds strange, but I know what you mean. It’s like there’s...a spark? No, that sounds wrong,” he trailed off.

 

“Yes! No, it isn’t wrong, there’s like this fire between us. I thought I was the only one who felt it,” he said, a laugh slipping out without his meaning to.

 

Sehun smiled. “I think it’s both of us, then. Want to test it out?” he asked, head tilting before he raised his hand toward Jongin.

 

This was probably wrong, forbidden in some way. Maybe right now it was harmless, or could seem that way, but Jongin felt anything but. He reached out, meeting Sehun’s touch with his own hand, fingers twining together. Warmth and fire burned through his hand, extending out through his body at the contact with them. 

 

Sehun shivered. “Yes, this is it. What is this?”

 

Instead of answering, Jongin kissed him. Fire coursed through his body as their lips met and moved together. Sehun’s arms twined around Jongin, pulling him in closer until their chests were pressed together through the robes.

 

It was magical, a kiss that felt like it was destined to happen. 

 

Only at that moment, there was a sound behind them, and they broke apart quickly, gasping for air as they looked around to see if anyone had seen them. And it dawned on Jongin again just how wrong it was, that they weren’t supposed to be like this. They were holy men, they weren’t supposed to be attracted to anyone, much less a fellow monk.

When they saw nothing, they stared at one another for a long minute before Sehun was the one to break the silence. “We...can’t do that again. Sorry, Jongin...there’s something there, but it’s not meant to be. We can’t.” The words seemed unconvinced even to himself, but Sehun turned on his heel and quickly walked away from him.

 

Jongin sighed quietly. He knew it was wrong, and yet he couldn’t help the disappointment that permeated him. He liked Sehun, he wanted him to be able to accept who and what they both were. But that wasn’t going to happen, and Jongin would be lying if he claimed he didn’t feel similarly.

 

He called to him quietly, but it was too late and he was gone.

 

-

 

The next day, Jongin attempted to catch his attention as he usually might, playfully standing in his way as they crossed paths to their duties. But this time, Sehun’s head remained bowed, not even glancing upward to dignify Jongin with a response as he stepped to the side and continued on his way.

 

Jongin bit his lip softly, wondering how he could make it up to him or if there was some way that they could just be alone together without the weight of the taboo falling upon them. But he didn’t see how. He wanted to claim that they could simply remain as friends, they could remain as monks working together in the monastery without the need for anything else to get in the way. And yet there was a deeper part of him that knew that wasn’t as easy as it sounded. He wanted more from him, something still called that they had been so much more. Some other time, something else.

 

But he wouldn’t give up.

 

Moons passed through phases, and time went on, stars shifted in the night sky with the changing of seasons. And yet Sehun remained silent and avoidant of him. Jongin noticed that he took a longer path in order to avoid him, and even when all the monks were in a room together, Sehun wouldn’t even glance his way. 

 

But Jongin could wait. They had all the time in the world, all the times within the universe to get it right again. So he was patient, and kept trying. He sent him small smiles when he could, and tried to catch his eye. It didn’t work, but he liked to think that there was a part of Sehun that recognized it.

 

Jongin knelt in prayer, saying the words of his duty and blessing those around him and beyond when there was a sudden presence behind him. There was no threat to them, as monks, because they lived in peace. But when he turned to see Sehun, his expression softened, but words refused to fall from his mouth.

 

“Can we...speak?” Sehun asked after a long few minutes of stillness. 

 

Jongin was surprised. He’d been avoiding him for so long that he didn’t quite know what to say. But he couldn’t help but think that Sehun was beautiful, was just as beautiful as he’d been when they’d been ordained together all those months ago. “Of course,” he agreed, and rose from the ground.

 

“Somewhere private...I’d rather not have someone possibly...overhear anything,” he said, glancing around a little uncomfortably.

 

-

 

It wasn’t long before they had made their way to a hidden corner of the monastery. It was a place that had been abandoned a long while ago, when the shrines had undergone some damage from the weather. The walls were broken and crumbling, and the night sky was visible through the unprotected roof, but they were alone.

 

They sat across from one another in silence.

 

“This has...happened before. Hasn’t it?” Sehun was the one to break the silence again, a frown furrowing his brow.

 

Jongin breathed a quiet sigh. “I think so. I don’t think I know much more than you do...but it’s definitely happened before. Maybe a hundred lifetimes past...I don’t know. But I believe it has,” he agreed, and there was a warm sort of tingle in him at the conversation.

 

Sehun nodded, his hands folding together. “This is strange. We’re holy men. And yet I feel...so connected to you?” he said, though there was a tortured sort of pain in his voice.

 

He reached out, taking Sehun’s hand in his own. “I know. I don’t know how it works. Sometimes...I think sometimes we can be together, sometimes maybe we can’t. I don’t know, I just feel like I always find you.” 

 

There was another beat of silence before Sehun smiled. “I’m glad we found each other again,” he said.

 

And in the next moment their lips were pressing together again, a little frantic and hurried, kissing each other to make up for the lifetime they’d gone without each other. Everything began to fall into little puzzle pieces. He was the one who tasted like sweet wine and a voice like honeyed velvet. They always managed to find one another even when the world was i chaos, when everything was turned upside down.

 

They met every night in the abandoned monastery, talking about their life and the lives before them. Sometimes they’d kiss, sometimes they’d lose themselves in each other’s ecstasy. It was taboo, it was forbidden, and yet neither of them could manage to stay away, and they kept finding each other under the constellations of stars.

 

ii.

 

Jongin bowed as he was bid goodbye from the queen. He took his serving tray and wandered back over to the sidelines. He was silent, and he glanced around at the party going full force all around him. It wasn’t all that uncommon in the palace, there was always a fete of some kind in honor of the kingdom. Sometimes it was a neighboring royal family that was due to visit, other times it was in the hopes of finding the prince someone to marry, and other times it was simply because the family desired it.

 

As far as Jongin knew, that was the case with this party. There was no particular guest of honor because every person selected for the party was one of the elite aristocrats under the kingdom’s rule. Jongin watched as the party-goers danced and waltzed along the ballroom in their finest gowns and manners of dress. Powdered wigs sat atop heads, and painted faces adorned all those who would glance at him with a dismissive gaze.

 

That was how his life was, and he was used to simply standing idly by until he was called upon again. Sure, he had his duties to attend to, but when the palace had their events, his number one priority was to be attentive to the guests and do as the head servant told them to do.

 

With a gesture, he was bid over toward one of the partygoers, and he immediately went to them, bowing respectfully. “How may I assist you, madam?” he asked of her, careful to keep his eyes trained on the floor. Eye contact was strictly forbidden for the servants, and he wasn’t about to test his limits and end up with a punishment.

 

“Well, aren’t you a lovely one?” she said, trailing her nails along his cheek.

 

He knew her, at least by way of the palace talk and the events she happened to attend. She was married to an affluent man who often traveled, and it was common word that she occupied her time with an absent husband by entertaining herself with young boys. Servants weren’t meant to question, and were simply to do as they were asked.

 

Jongin smiled bashfully, allowing her fingers to grace his face. He couldn’t be disrespectful, after all. “Thank you, madam. May I get you another drink, perhaps?” he asked of her, hoping to get her attention elsewhere.

 

It wasn’t as though he were in a position to decline her. If he did, then the word would get back to the palace and he’d be punished in cruel ways he couldn’t bother to fathom. So all he could do was hope that she’d lose interest in him or set her sights on someone else.

 

“Hm...yes, darling, that would be lovely,” she finally said, offering a smile that looked a bit like a wolf. 

 

He smiled and bowed again, taking his leave of her to retrieve her drink. He wasn’t out of the woods yet, of course, but it was something of a distraction. When he brought back her drink, she was occupied and speaking with some other nobleman from a neighboring area, and he was able to just slip away unnoticed.

 

However, he wasn’t at his post long when the head servant came up to him. “Jongin, the prince. He’s taken ill and is in his room, go attend your duty,” were the words that came from him.

 

Jongin nodded, trying to remain somber and dutiful instead of relieved. While it was his duty to do as he was asked, nothing ever quite pleased him as much as doing his regular duties of attending to the prince. It was something that most people probably didn’t understand, because it wasn’t usually the finest job in the palace to be assigned to one of the members of the family. But for Jongin, it provided him the excuse to be around Prince Sehun and admire him.

 

Every lifetime gave him something new and unexpected. Some lives he knew exactly who he was, and who Sehun was, other times he was clueless until his next death. But every time, they found one another. Most of the time, Sehun was the one who had no idea about what was happening, that anything had happened before. Some lifetimes he remembered, some lifetimes he never knew. 

 

He didn’t know yet, and Jongin wouldn’t push him into remembering. There was something a little bit sweet about those moments when he was clueless about their destiny, when everything just seemed to up in the air and Sehun just thought of Jongin as some stranger, or a servant, or a companion. Even while Jongin knew better.

 

He approached the prince’s bedroom, and raised a hand to knock. He didn’t receive an answer, but he almost never did even when Sehun was feeling fine. So he pushed open the door, and walked inside. The room was dark, most of the candles blown out and little could be seen through the darkened fabrics that adorned the rich bedroom.

 

“Prince Sehun?” he called out quietly, seeing the form on the bed. There was one single candle lit on the bedside table, illuminating Sehun’s face as he lay there. He was so beautiful as always, and Jongin suppressed a smile.

 

Sehun grunted his acknowledgment.

 

“Master, I heard you were ill?” he pressed a little. He believed the others, of course, and Sehun did look particularly pale and drawn.

 

“I suppose,” Sehun said, with a shrug that was mostly just the blankets rustling. 

 

“May I get you some medicine? A towel?” he offered. He wasn’t the nurse of the palace who would be along - if she hadn’t been already - to tend to him and make sure he would heal well. But Jongin was there to ensure he had all of his comforts, and do anything he was asked.

 

“No,” he grumbled, and suddenly he moved to hide under the covers, “Leave me alone.”

 

“You know I can’t do that,” Jongin reminded him. Sehun was often a bit bratty, a bit spoiled and moody. But Jongin was used to that, and he still wished to reach out and cradle him. It pained him to see the beautiful boy he loved so much to be in pain, even if that boy didn’t know who he was or why he would stare with such affection in his eyes.

 

Sehun groaned, “Can I ask you something?” he suddenly asked, head popping out from the covers again to stare at him.

 

“Of course, master,” he confirmed with a nod.

 

“Why are you always staring at me? You’re my servant, and I understand that, but you always...look at me in a way I don’t really know what is. You don’t look at other people like that.”

 

Jongin’s mouth hung open for a long moment, a little unsure how to respond to that. He didn’t think Sehun had ever really paid much attention to him, much less notice that he sometimes had a habit of staring at the beautiful prince. “Oh...I’m not sure what you mean, prince, I don’t...think I stare at you any differently. If it bothers you, I can avoid looking you in the eyes,” he offered.

 

It was the last thing he wanted to do, truthfully, but it was another duty that he was supposed to try and project. They did anything to make their royal family happy, and so if he was asked to not look at the prince, he had no other choice. Jongin’s family had all been killed in a war that had strung on for too long, and he had no choice but to remain a servant for the royal family. Which was an honor, but sometimes came with the added stress that he had less of an option to make mistakes or to be even slightly disobedient or else he’d be cast out.

 

Sehun frowned a little. “No, I don’t really...mind it, I guess. I was just wondering if there was a reason. You look like...you know me,” he said, voice a little bit raspy with the onset illness.

 

Jongin watched him for a long moment, wondering if it was coming back to him. “I...well, I’ve been your servant many long years. I suppose I do know you,” he said, careful not to try and push something onto him that he wasn’t ready to realize yet.

 

“Yes...I suppose that’s true,” he agreed, though he stared at Jongin for another few long minutes.

 

Jongin shifted a little in his place. With anyone else, he would avoid staring back at them, but this was Sehun. And he’d known him for lifetimes. He knew the sweet wine kiss, and he ached for it.

 

But it was only a few more minutes that Sehun ended up falling asleep, and Jongin could watch him as he drifted off in innocent slumber. He looked so peaceful, and he reached out to brush the stray hair off of his forehead. He wasn’t supposed to come into contact with the prince, but he couldn’t resist. He wanted to pull him close and hold him, wanted to feel the warmth of his lips on his, but he couldn’t. Not yet.

 

-

 

It was the passing of months later that Jongin was met with sudden news that Sehun would be married. It was in a flurry of excitement amongst the servants, with Jongin just having risen from bed to find everyone speaking about it. He frowned, asking what had happened.

 

“Oh, Prince Sehun is to be married to Princess Jinri. It’s been arranged for years, practically since before the two were born. But the wedding is getting planned now, so it’s just a matter of time,” said the cook, with a cheerful smile on his face as he delivered the news.

 

Jongin’s heart clenched at the words. Of course, that was the factor that was always left up to fate. Sometimes they couldn’t be together for taboo reasons, sometimes one of them was married. But he couldn’t fight the bile that rose in the back of his throat at the news, and he excused himself before he got sick in the bushes outside. 

 

Logically, he knew that their love would have been forbidden even if Sehun had remembered him. He was nothing but a servant boy to the prince, there was never anything that could come from any of that. He wasn’t worthy of Sehun.

 

-

 

“So...prince...are you looking forward to the upcoming nuptials?” Jongin asked one night, as Sehun lay in his bed reading before he slept. It was a nightly ritual, and Jongin was due to stay with him until he fell into slumber. The news hadn’t gotten any easier, hadn’t been any better to deal with, yet he was trying to carefully remain neutral about hearing of it.

 

Sehun glanced up at him, putting a mark in the book and setting it to the side. “Honestly...I’m not sure. It’s expected, right? My duty...we’ve been set to marry for many years. Neither of us had a say in the thing...so I can’t say it’s something that excites me. It’s just another duty of life,” he said, shrugging a bit. 

 

He was always so matter-of-fact, even about events that might have a profound effect on his life. Jongin smiled the tiniest bit. “Yes, that’s true. Would you rather marry...for love?” he asked, tilting his head slightly. There were so many more things he wanted to know, wanted to ask, but he had to remain in his line.

 

“Of course I would, wouldn’t you? Love in all of these storybooks and fairy tales seems so enchanting. Even in the ones where they kill or lop off their feet for love, it’s something that means...so much they’re willing to risk everything. I wonder what love is like, yet I know I’m destined to never find it.”

 

Jongin’s chest clenched at the sound of his words. The Sehun he always knew was so enamored of love that it broke his heart to see him unable to actually find it. Even if it wasn’t with Jongin, he wanted him to be able to find that love somewhere. “Pardon me for asking, since I’m just a simple servant, but is there any way that you might be able to...not marry Princess Jinri?” he asked. It was a bold question, especially given that he had no right to even question the authority of the royal family.

 

Sehun smiled a little though. “I wish. It’s...not about the fact that they’d like to see us together, it isn’t for the sake of them hoping we’ll fall in love. It’s all just for this added good hospitality between the kingdoms. Neither of us really has a say. Sometimes...I wish I could be a servant, or at least not a prince, just so I could have a little more freedom, you know? If you fell in love, it wouldn’t make a difference, you could probably marry and have a family with this person.”

 

He fought the urge to confess, fought the urge to tell him that he couldn’t do that because the one he loved was already getting married. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked that of you. But I’m also...sympathetic for the fact that you don’t get a choice. I don’t believe, however, that I’ll be marrying anyone in this lifetime,” he said.

 

There was a beat of silence before Sehun tilted his head. “This lifetime?” he asked, as though something was sparked with the simple phrase.

 

Jongin wondered if something had dawned on him. His wording had been an homage to their many lives together, but he didn’t expect it to resonate with Sehun. “Ah, yes...maybe next lifetime?” he suggested, pushing a little more than he probably should have.

 

But there was a sudden ghost of recognition in Sehun’s eyes. “I...know you…” he said, in the softest little whisper.

 

He wanted to smile, to laugh and embrace him. But he still had to test the waters. “As your servant, of course…” he trailed, though his gaze never left the prince’s.

 

Sehun’s hand went to his mouth, a look of puzzled wonder settling over him. “You...who are you?” he asked, voice still breathless as he stared at Jongin, almost with new eyes.

 

Jongin braved a few more steps toward the bed. “What do you remember?”

 

“...you. I’ve known you...past this life. How long have we known each other? Do you...have you known about all of this?”

 

“I...well, I remembered everything the day I was assigned to be your servant. Seeing you brought back all the memories. I don’t know...exactly how long or how many lifetimes it’s been. Many, that much I know. I don’t know of any life I’ve had without you in it,” he explained, the words leaving him feeling a little bit raw and exposed with the weight of them.

 

“I’ve loved you...for so long. Is that why you just asked me about love?” his words still came out in disbelief.

 

Jongin licked his lips. “Well...yes. Sometimes you don’t remember, and it isn’t my place to step in and tell you everything. I mean...would you have believed me?”

 

“Come to me,” Sehun commanded, remaining a bit still in his bed as he stared at Jongin.

 

And Jongin did as he was told, going over to stand near Sehun on the bed. “I’ve loved you every lifetime,” he reminded him gently. 

 

Suddenly, tears sprung in Sehun’s eyes, and he reached out to pull Jongin into him. “I missed you,” he said softly, rubbing circles along his back.

 

And Jongin couldn’t help the tears that filled his own eyes, the desperate ache in his bones. His Sehun had come back to him. “I missed you too. But we have each other again, and that’s everything. We’ve found each other for this lifetime,” he said, fingers threading through Sehun’s hair.

 

“But...I’m to be married in this life,” he reminded him, a frown coming to his face as he pulled away slightly, exploring Jongin’s face as though he was terrified to forget it.

 

Jongin smiled, however. “You are. But I’ll be by your side, anyway. Married or not, my prince, I’ll be with you always,” he promised.

 

Sehun laughed quietly, and his fingers brushed over Jongin’s cheekbones. “My love. My life,” he cooed, and he drew Jongin into a soft kiss.

 

Tingles ran along Jongin’s spine as he tasted the sweet wine of Sehun’s mouth. It was intoxicating, as always. They kissed for long, quiet moments, just exploring and savoring the taste of one another. It had been too many long years since their last life, and Jongin knew that every moment was meant to last.

 

-

 

Being Sehun’s personal servant had the advantage that they had long hours of uninterrupted time together. When Sehun hadn’t remembered, it was spent with Sehun attending to his studies and sleeping, while Jongin remained dutiful and pining over his love. With the knowledge of their connection, however, it meant that the time could pass in long kisses, exploring each other’s mouths and bodies. During the daylight hours, they had to remain careful, and only sneak in the occasional kiss or touch when no one else was looking, because other servants and guards could pop in at any moment.

 

But the nights belonged to them. And Jongin would forego his sleep in order to lay with his love, to kiss away his worries and to cradle him in his arms as he went to sleep. 

 

But the wedding still closed in on them. Nothing else had changed for anyone except for the two of them, and the marriage was due to arrive. On the day of the wedding, Jongin was feeling sick. He knew that it was coming, knew that it was Sehun’s duty and destiny to marry the neighboring princess, but it didn’t make it any easier to accept that he would be married to someone else.

 

It was early morning, and Jongin stood to the side of Sehun’s bed, waiting dutifully as another servant woke Sehun to begin getting him ready for the ceremony. Their gazes met across the room, and Jongin offered him a wide smile of encouragement. He knew that Sehun didn’t love Jinri, so he was trying to remain in good spirits about the fact that he had to marry her. 

 

Jongin was ushered to help with the remaining wedding preparations, and he was almost thankful that he didn’t have to keep trying to smile for Sehun. It was selfish, perhaps, but he didn’t know how much he could manage to see it before he felt like he was going to break. 

 

By the time the ceremony had arrived, Jongin was feeling even more anxious than he had been that morning. So much had happened in the time, and everything had been prepared - everything except for him. He shouldn’t have even bothered to watch the ceremony, he knew in his heart that he should have just remained in the back to help with everything else. Yet he couldn’t resist the urge to hide behind a pillar and watch.

 

Jongin’s heart thumped in his chest as he stared at Sehun in his wedding clothes, waiting on his bride. Jongin wished he could take him away from everything, wished that they could just run into the distance and live out a fairytale life in a cottage somewhere in the woods. 

 

But that wasn’t the lifetime they were living in, and Jongin could only watch as Sehun spoke his agreement to marry Princess Jinri, and she to him. Jongin’s heart ached as their lips met, and tears formed in his eyes at the official declaration that the royal couple was now married. 

 

-

 

They weren’t able to see one another for two weeks after the ceremony. They had gone to be together, and Jongin was lost as he waited on him to return. Arrangements had been planned for where the new couple would live, and Sehun had promised that Jongin would be the only servant he cared to keep with him. But in the meantime, all he could do was wait.

 

When the news came of the arrival of the couple, Jongin’s heart took flight again, a bird in a gilded cage. He ached to get Sehun alone, to have the reassurance of his love. True to his word, Jongin was bid to attend to Sehun and Jinri’s estate, and although he hadn’t spoken to Sehun, he was left at ease. 

 

It was days later, when Jongin was attending to some of the clothes in the washing room, that Sehun came to find him. “Jongin…” he said softly, “is anyone else here?”

 

Jongin turned, a smile immediately coming to his face as he looked at him. “No, it’s just us right now. I’ve missed you,” he said softly, with little shame in how much his voice yearned for the other.

 

Sehun crossed the distance between them, immediately wrapping Jongin in his embrace. “I’m sorry, I’ve missed you too. I haven’t been able to get away to you.”

 

“That’s okay. I’ll wait for you always. In this lifetime, in the next lifetime, for a hundred lifetimes after,” he promised, seeking Sehun’s lips with his own.

 

iii.

 

Jongin cringed as a hail of bullets sounded around them, fear and adrenaline pumping through him. His instincts were telling him to run, to get as far away as he possibly could, and yet the troop leader was telling them to stay and fire at the enemy. He breathed shallowly, but his jaw clenched in an effort to try and calm himself. He was a soldier, he needed to be strong, he was supposed to do his duty.

 

“You’ve got this, we’ll be okay,” Sehun reassured him from where he was crouching next to him.

 

Jongin’s heart hammered in his ears, and he smiled a brief thanks to his platoon-mate. They’d been assigned to the same squadron, and had instantly hit it off as comrades, both wanting to simply survive the effort and had joined forces to help each other out and look out for each other’s backs. 

 

Sehun was always braver than Jongin, and he latched onto that, tried to learn from him and take in the ways he could handle and face down the possibility of death, of the pain and torment that war provided. Jongin took a deep breath, and pulled his trigger, aiming toward the enemy gunfire with a barrage of bullets.

 

-

 

It was late at night that they were all able to set up camp. A fire burned, and most of them were dirty and had blood stains all on them. Some from the enemy, some from their fellow men. In war, Jongin found, that it was easiest to focus only on your own group. If he thought about all the other people who were killed, all the others being forced to fight, it would overwhelm him. But if he focused on his squadron, he could take it one step at a time. And none of them had been killed, so he was considering that the only blessing he needed.

 

Sehun sat next to the fire, reading a letter he’d received from home. Jongin went and saddled up next to him. “How’s everything back home?” he asked, with a bit of a smile.

 

Sehun hummed quietly. “Same as usual, I guess. Mom’s worrying about everything, Dad’s pissed off that he couldn’t come back to war...you know. So all’s well. But I like it that way. That means maybe when I get back it’ll all still be the same too,” he said. 

 

Jongin laughed softly, “Yeah, I understand that. I still haven’t heard from anyone,” he admitted. They’d been at war for nearly a year, and Jongin hadn’t gotten a single letter from anyone in his family.

 

“Still nothing? Are you sure you gave them the right information?” Sehun teased, bumping Jongin’s shoulder with his own.

 

“Yeah...I guess they’re busy,” he said, though he didn’t see why they couldn’t send so much as a simple postcard. They’d never been a particularly affectionate family, but he’d like to think they’d at least care if he was killed or something, so he would have thought - before coming to war - that they’d at least send something. While other soldiers got letters, packages, and cookies from their families, Jongin was one of the only ones in the squadron that consistently came up empty.

 

“I’m sure everything’s okay,” Sehun reassured him.

 

Jongin nodded. There were worse things than if they simply hadn’t found any time to write him. They could have been captured, attacked, he couldn’t say. There was no way for him to know.

 

-

 

When the two of them settled into their tent, Jongin’s hand found Sehun’s in the darkness. He didn’t have to see him to know that he was smiling. They’d both remembered from the beginning this time, and as long as they both continued to act as simple friends and comrades to the rest of the guys, no one suspected anything else. They were sure to try and not allow them anything to guess.

 

They had their sleeping bags, and Sehun maneuvered so that they were right next to one another. “You may not have a family in this life, but I’m all you need, right?” he asked, voice a little playful.

 

Jongin laughed, leaning in to press a kiss against him. “Yeah. When we get out of this war, we can start our own family, how does that sound? We’ll have three dogs, and we’ll never even talk about this damned war again,” he suggested, an air of wistfulness to his voice. That was one of their favorite ways to pass the time, to talk about a future in which they could be together and love each other without the weight of war on their shoulders.

 

-

 

He didn’t know where Sehun was, and panic rose in him. They were under another attack, and when Jongin was called over to take care of something else, he’d lost track of him. His heart was pounding in his chest, both from the sheer fear of the bullets and explosions all around him, but that he didn’t know where Sehun was. He couldn’t lose him. It wasn’t as though they hadn’t lost one another before, but that meant long years could be spent without him ever again.

 

Jongin fired toward the enemy, blind and unsure of where anything was coming from. He knew where the gunfire was coming from, but he couldn’t see anyone. His palms were sweaty, but he tried to command all of his focus on just following commands. That’s what he’d been trained to do, what he knew how to do. He might not be able to find Sehun, but he could focus on one task at a time. 

 

One thing about war was that Jongin never knew how long had passed between any moments. Sometimes they’d be walking for days and it would feel like weeks, sometimes battles would be fought for what felt like hours but ended up being only dozens of minutes.

 

When the sounds had quieted, and they were only left with the aftermath did Jongin manage to find the courage to wonder about Sehun again. He looked around. M. Kim was injured, a bullet right in his side. One of the other guys was trying to assess the damage, and Jongin wondered idly as he passed if it would be something that he could brush off in a while, or if it had gone too deep and was life threatening. It was always hard to say, but he said a silent prayer for him to be alright.

 

“Have you seen Oh?” he asked one of the other guys who seemed unharmed.

 

“Uh...not in a bit? He might be over there with Do,” he offered, jerking his head in that direction.

 

Jongin said a silent thanks, and while the rest of the guys tried to pick up the pieces of the damage, assessing and allocating damage and injury and men, he only kept looking for Sehun, increasingly frantic. He wasn’t with Do, and he fought the urge to start getting a little teary-eyed. He was a soldier, they didn’t cry. 

 

He walked, straying too far from his squadron, but he didn’t care. He could only think about finding his love, making sure he would be okay. As he glanced around toward a cluster of trees, a figure moved on the ground, and he made his way quickly. There had been a number of those laying on the ground in agony from the pain, explosions or gunfire having caught them. Jongin called in their injuries, and hoped someone would come, but that was all he could do.

 

However, this time, the face was familiar. And a surge of relief flooded him at just being able to see Sehun’s face. “Oh god, are you okay?” he asked, voice trembling. It wasn’t strong, wasn’t the image of what a soldier at war should be, but he was terrified.

 

Sehun blinked a few times, reaching upward at Jongin. “I...I’m fine,” he said, weakly smiling at him, “I got hit…”

 

The relief that had filled him was quickly replaced by another surge of panic. He dropped to kneel down in the leaves beside, him, reaching out to grasp his hand. “Where?” He probably could have looked to see, but he didn’t want to look away from Sehun’s beautiful face.

 

“I’ll be fine...it’s just my leg…” Sehun reassured him, voice quiet and tired. 

 

Jongin glanced down, finally wanting to brave the chance to see. What he saw was a mass of blood covering Sehun’s right thigh, black with the amount of blood and injury that was there. He felt sick. “That’s...Sehun...you’re gonna be okay, we’ll get you healed. This isn’t so bad,” he tried to tell him. Sehun was trying to make him feel better, but he could see the strands of fear in his eyes. 

 

Though the leg wasn’t the most life-threatening of places to get hit, loss of blood could easily still threaten his life - and if it didn’t, there was still the possibility of amputation to contend with. But he was putting on a brave face, he didn’t want Sehun to feel any more worried. He quickly called in the injury, and returned to clasping his hand.

 

Sehun clutched his hand, squeezing, but remained silent.

 

“I’m here with you. And  you’ll be okay. Forever and always, remember?” he said, voice no more than a whisper. “The war will be over soon, and then we can run away from it all. We’ll have a house out in the country, and no one will ever bother us, and we won’t have to even talk about a war ever again. Just us,” he continued, words laced with promises they’d made so many countless nights. 

 

Sehun smiled, and his eyes closed.

 

-

 

They didn’t make it out of the war.

 

iv.

 

“Thank you, everybody! Goodnight!” Chanyeol yelled into the microphone, pointing at the crowd one last time.

 

Jongin glanced out toward the crowd as he unhooked the guitar from around his shoulders and handed it off to one of the roadies. The stadium was packed, as it usually was, with people all decorated in too much leather and too much makeup, with hair that stood a foot off their heads. Jongin shot them one last smile, a little shy in the way he knew drove the girls crazy, and walked back offstage.

 

He was immediately handed a towel, and draped it over his shoulders. He was hot, and exhausted. He could feel the sweat beading on his forehead from the hot lights, and the leather decorating his body certainly didn’t help. He made his way to the bathroom, immediately running the cold water to splash onto his face. The eyeliner smeared across his cheeks, but he only wiped it away with the towel. All he could think about was taking a nice long shower, but he wouldn’t get to do that until they were back at the hotel.

 

Making his way out, he went back to the dressing room with the rest of the band. They all lounged around, the drummer laying on the floor as he tried to gather back his strength. Jongin went and flopped down onto the couch next to Chanyeol, who was sprawled out and lying rather motionless.

 

"Are they going on now?" Jongin asked toward whoever would bother to listen. There were a couple of staff members and roadies wandering around the room with them as well, though most of them didn't seem to be paying them much attention. They were on a tour of the country with a few other bands, and most of the staff had been around them long enough to know when they were talking about pointless things or just shooting bullshit back and forth.

 

"Yeah, the assholes," Chanyeol grumbled next to him.

 

Jongin grunted his acknowledging agreement. Most of the other bands on the tour they got along with, they didn't have an issue with hanging out and getting loaded with them. But there was one band that they'd had a rivalry with from the very beginning. So while with most of the other bands they'd go support from the sidelines, they all remained in place even when they heard the band go onstage.

 

It was the world of hair metal, and it wasn't long before groupies trickled into the back area to flirt and talk to them. Jongin smiled at the one girl who sat on the arm of the couch he was lounging in, engaging her in idle conversation. He was gay, but that wasn't something that most people were comfortable admitting in that time, so he remained silent and flirted with the women who approached him, just so people could continue to think that he was dating them.

 

But it didn't take long before the girl started to try and get handsy with him, offering more than he was willing to have. "Oh, no thank you. Sorry, it's not you, but I'm not really in the mood right now," he excused. Most of the time that worked, even if he sometimes got a few strange looks for saying so. In their world, most of the rockers ended up doing it for the chicks, that was the big ticket with being famous. But Jongin just loved music. He'd always been enamored of the sounds of the rock stars who came before him, the thrill of the guitar and even the pain of learning how to properly navigate the strings.

 

The groupie looked disappointed, but she moved onto one of the other band members. Jongin finally rose from the couch, his energy still low but better than it had been a few minutes ago. The music had stopped, so he assumed that the other band was wandering around somewhere, but he paid little attention since he didn’t need to interact with them.

 

But when he made his way back to the can, he was met by the sight of the other band's bassist. He remained silent, and went to do his business at the urinal. But when he'd placed himself back in his leather pants and went to the sink, the bassist was still standing there, staring at him expectantly. "What?" he finally asked, voice dismissive.

 

"Oh...um...you guys were good," Sehun said.

 

Jongin frowned a little, staring at him as he washed his hands. "Why are you being nice? I didn't watch you guys," he said, shrugging his shoulders.

 

"Jongin...I don't hate you. I don't know why you hate me," came the words.

 

And confusion washed over him. That wasn't anything he expected. It was sort of a given that they all hated each other, they were rivals, and that was how it worked. They fought for the same gigs, for the same spots on the magazine covers. So he didn't know why Sehun was suddenly questioning this. "Why do you care?" he finally asked, hands coming to rest on his hips as he glared at him.

 

"You...really don't know anything, do you?" 

 

Jongin's frown deepened. "Know anything about what? Are you high? What are you even talking about?" he asked. This was probably the longest conversation they'd ever held. Mostly the two bands just passed one another with an air of annoyance, glaring from afar. So he wasn't sure why Sehun seemed to want to speak with him now. 

 

He cleared his throat, looking a little embarrassed. "I just...I can't tell you about it, I guess. I just have to wait for you to know. But I don't think we're meant to hate each other. I know you can't believe that...but I don't think that's what we should be focusing on," Sehun explained, though he looked vaguely bashful at the admission.

 

Jongin wasn't feeling any more clued in by Sehun's words the more he spoke. "Um...so what, in your opinion, should we be focusing on exactly?" he asked. This was strange. Why would someone he'd hardly spoken to want something more from him?

 

"I...can't say. Never mind, I guess it just isn't important..." he said, and offered a faint smile before he walked out of the bathroom.

 

He was left blinking and puzzled, unsure what that whole conversation had been about. Was there something he was supposed to remember about Sehun? Had they done something together? When he drank, sometimes he had a habit of making out with whoever was available, but he didn't think that he and Sehun had ever ended up in that position. He shrugged it off, and went to find the alcohol.

 

-

 

The next few shows passed without incident. The interaction between the two bands remained strained and uncomplicated in just a simple rivalry. Jongin still questioned sometimes the way Sehun would look at him, but he didn't really want to address it again. He didn't know if Sehun knew something about him, if he held some kind of blackmail over him that he didn't know about.

 

One evening, Jongin was sitting at the hotel bar, downing a glass of whiskey, when Sehun sat down next to him. It was late, and almost everyone else had either already passed out or had taken the party to their bedrooms. "What?" he asked, still not fully accepting that he could be nice to him. He was suspicious, and he didn't think there was much to be salvaged for the whole thing.

 

Sehun licked his lips. "Sorry...um, if you're busy, I can talk to you later," he said, already poised as though to leave.

 

Jongin sighed a little, staring for a silent moment at Sehun in his eyeliner and teased hair. "No, it's fine. What's going on?" he asked, softening just the slightest bit.

 

"Well, remember that conversation we had in the bathroom?" he asked, sliding back onto the seat a little more easily. 

 

"Yeah, sort of. I mean it wasn't much of a conversation, and I still don't know what you were talking about," he admitted, finishing off his drink and gesturing to the bartender for another one.

 

"Yeah, sorry about that. I don't know how to handle this...usually you're the one who remembers," Sehun mumbled, frowning to himself.

 

"Usually I remember? What do I remember? Sehun, no offense, but I don't think you know me well enough to say what kind of memory I have...or even what that has to do with anything," his words came out just as confused as he felt. He wasn't sure where this was going, wasn't sure what Sehun was trying to demand of him.

 

"Oh, right...I'm really bad at this. See...do you believe in reincarnation?"

 

Jongin blinked, staring at him for a few minutes. Was Sehun somewhere fallen down a drug hole? He'd been around plenty of addicts, and while Sehun didn't seem like he was on something, he wasn't sure how else to explain the way he jumped from topic to topic. "Maybe? Why? Can you stay on topic?"

 

Sehun laughed, a rare sight that reminded Jongin a little of honey. But that thought made him frown, he wasn't sure why he'd made that association. "Right. Well...see, this is why I'm bad at this. You and I...have met before. Maybe another life, maybe a different universe, but we've met before," came the words now, more sure than they had been a moment before.

 

There was a sort of flicker somewhere in his mind. As though there was something familiar in that statement, like something that he'd heard before. "Another life? Another universe?" he repeated, trying to see if the glimmer would evolve into something. He assumed that it was something to do with something he'd read before, or maybe that he and Sehun had at one point known one another in a way he'd long forgotten. He couldn't say, but there was something in the connotation of another life that was breaking through his consciousness, bringing him to something else. Maybe Sehun seemed a little more familiar than he had a moment before. 

 

Sehun stared at him for a few long moments. "Anything ringing a bell?" he asked, head tilting expectantly. There was a look of almost desperation in his gaze, as though he was begging Jongin to remember or at least recognize what he was possibly talking about.

 

"Um...I don't know. What are we talking about here? Something feels strange. Did we know each other before the bands or something? Is that it?" he asked, trying to recall someone from high school or a neighborhood or an audition that looked like Sehun. That would be another life, in a manner of speaking, but something in that felt wrong still.

 

He shook his head, almost a little bit disappointed. "It's hard to explain. When you recognize it...if you ever do, you'll know what I'm talking about. But I can't push it," he explained, his gaze dropping down into his own lap.

 

Jongin stared for a long moment. They weren't supposed to like each other, and yet he couldn't quite shake the feeling he had of wanting to pull him into his arms and comfort him. He cleared his throat. "Sehun...I don't know what you mean...but...I want to," he offered. He didn't know what good that would do for him, for any of them, but there was almost a pull to him that he couldn't explain.

 

There was a flicker of a smile on Sehun's face. "Well, I don't want to just..." he trailed off, before he let out a sigh. "Want to come to my room?"

 

"Are you hitting on me? This seems like a lot of effort to go to just to hit on me," he said, frowning a little bit.

 

Sehun laughed. "No, not like that. It just might be easier to explain if we're alone. I've noticed a couple of groupies over there staring at us. I'm sure there will be a lot of questions about why we aren't getting into a fist fight as it is," he explained, shifting a bit on his seat.

 

Jongin glanced over to the indicated girls, and he knew that was likely true. He had a feeling that his bandmates might give him a bit of shit if word got around. But he shrugged, "Alright, I guess I'll see what the hell you're talking about."

 

-

 

When they got to the room, Jongin was almost surprised it was empty. Although Sehun had asked him back there to talk, it was a rare sight for any of their hotel rooms to not be filled with people and empty bottles. "Alright, so get talking," he recommended before he walked over to the bed and sat down, leaning back comfortably. It wasn't his room, but he'd had a few drinks that he didn't mind making himself comfortable.

 

Sehun sighed quietly before the bed dipped and he took his seat near Jongin. "Okay. So usually...it isn't like this. Usually you remember before me. And I know that sounds insane and you have no idea what I'm talking about, but that's because...I'm bad at this," he said, raking a hand through his hair.

 

Jongin licked his lips, staring at Sehun with a furrowed, puzzled brow. "What do I usually remember? Why do you keep talking like you know me?"

 

"Because I do. I have known you many, many times over again. It isn't in this life. But...I asked you about reincarnation. Every lifetime...we find each other. We're meant to be together, you know? And sometimes both of us remembers, sometimes I know right away. Usually you know always, though...so I guess I'm just surprised that this time you don't know anything about it..." he said, trailing off, hands rubbing against each other in a display of nervousness. 

 

Sparks of memory shot through Jongin's mind, fuzzy and intangible. He frowned, something in this seemed right, but it seemed too crazy for him to fully believe. Reincarnation was a little far-fetched, wasn't it? Especially remembering past lives through it. That all seemed like some hippie nonsense or some alternative belief that he didn't understand. "I don't...get it. Is this some kind of a joke? I don't remember anything, and I don't...know that I'm supposed to. I'm sorry, I'm not trying to make this difficult on you or...whatever it is, but I really don't know anything."

 

Sehun nodded his understanding. "It's okay, I mean...every life is different. You always say you never push me to remember because it has to happen on its own. And I guess this shows that maybe that's true. I can't force you to believe me," he agreed.

 

"If we're...supposedly meant to be, like you say, then why did we end up in bands who hate each other? Shouldn't we be best friends, or at least in the same band or something?" he asked, still not fully convinced that Sehun wasn't high. 

 

He shrugged. "I don't know how it works. Or why it works. Or why we remember. But it does. And...well, we've been through things like this before. Sometimes we can't be together, sometimes we don't like each other...but we always come together in the end," he said, though there was still that sad look in his eyes.

 

Jongin paused, reveling in the silence of the moment. He closed his eyes, trying to just take in what he was talking about and why there was a nagging feeling of something he couldn't describe pressing in the back of his mind. "I...want to say I feel something. I feel these little glimpses of something, but I don't know what it is. Am I trying to remember?" he asked, though he was mostly asking that aloud to himself.

 

"Maybe. When it's me trying to remember, I kind of think of it like a fog. You know? Like suddenly when the memory comes, it all clears up and everything is right there. You're still in the fog stage."

 

"What helps the memories come back, then? Are you sure it isn't drugs?"

 

Sehun laughed. "I promise, I'm not high. But I don't know, sometimes something you say will make it come back to me, or sometimes when we kiss I have a sudden recognition."

 

Jongin stared at him for a long moment. "Then...why don't you kiss me?"

 

There was a beat or two of silence. Sehun looked a little bit hesitant. "Do you want me to kiss you?" he asked, voice low and a little bit raspier than it had been a moment before.

 

Truthfully, Jongin didn't think that it would help, he didn't think that anything would change. But it wasn't as though he could deny that he wouldn't like kissing him. He was handsome, and even the added rivalry was somehow a little bit sexy. "Sure, kiss me," he said, offering a faint sort of smile from where he still lay on the bed.

 

Sehun swallowed, looking at him for a quiet moment. But in the next moment, he leaned in, lips pressing against his softly. Jongin's hand went to the back of Sehun's head, fingers trailing through hairsprayed hair to pull him in deeper. Their lips moved together slowly, sensually and almost familiar in a way that Jongin wasn't sure he could describe. His tongue swiped against Sehun's lips, licking his way into his mouth as lips parted to him.

 

As they kissed, he realized that something in tasting Sehun's mouth was like tasting sweet wine. And with that thought, there was a sudden onset of sparks, of fire and lightning altogether that broke through something in his mind. Everything suddenly began to fall into its own little place.

 

Jongin let out a quiet gasp and pulled back, staring at Sehun with a new gaze. "Oh my god...Sehun," he whispered, his voice coming out shaky and rattled as he stared at the beautiful face of his love of so many lives past.

 

A smile came to rest on Sehun's face. "Hi, baby," he said, his voice like honey as he gazed down at Jongin with a soft look of familiarity.

 

All the little pieces came back to him slowly. Of the lives gone past and the worlds they'd traversed together, having the love of each other through it all. Glimpses of worlds and jobs and kisses gone past slipped through his mind. "I missed you...I can't believe I didn't remember," he said, running his fingers through Sehun's hair and pulling him in for another lasting, slow kiss. "It's you...and me again. Isn't it crazy how this happens every time? I wonder why," he mused, still just admiring the face of the boy he'd loved for so many lives.

 

Sehun let out a quiet laugh. "I don't know. But I won't question it, I'm just glad that we get to keep having one another. I like remembering you, I like knowing how much you love me every single life."

 

Jongin smiled, "I'll always love you. In every life. Thank you for helping me remember this time.”

 

"You always help me remember, you know? it's rare that I get to be the one to help you out," Sehun said softly, and he leaned in to press another kiss to Jongin's lips.

 

Everything in Jongin was set ablaze. The feeling of Sehun's lips against his own, the connection of their bodies against one another was enough to sent a delightful little thrill down his spine. It was a new era, they were rock musicians in glam bands in a war against each other. And yet none of that mattered because they were together again. 

 

v.

 

Jongin couldn’t help but admire how handsome Sehun looked in his three-piece suit, all charming smiled and slicked back hair. It was far from the first time he’d noticed that night, and it was far from the last time he would. They were just out of college in this lifetime, and they’d both known right away and remembered. No one had understood why the art student and business major seemed to be so instantly attracted to one another, but they didn’t need to explain anything to anyone. Jongin just shrugged off questions with, “He just gets me.” And who were they to argue with that?

 

“Can you believe we did it?” Sehun asked, offering a sweet, shy smile toward Jongin.

 

Jongin reached out to take his hand, pulling him closer, “I’m so happy we did. I’m happy we can.”

 

Sehun nodded and wound his arms around Jongin’s neck. “Well, my handsome husband, is there anything you can think of we should do?” Sehun teased, arching an eyebrow playfully.

 

There was still a little ripple of pleasure that went through him hearing the word husband fall from Sehun’s lips. They’d just gotten married, and it had been a very small ceremony, but Jongin couldn’t be happier. In so many lives they wouldn’t have been able to call each other husband, and he couldn’t get enough of hearing it.

 

“I can think of a few,” he agreed, and pulled Sehun to the bed, laying back with him before he pressed a kiss to his lips. They lost themselves in soft kisses, one after another and Jongin licking into Sehun's mouth, earning him soft moans of pleasure. He pulled Sehun to lay on top of him, arms wrapping around his waist as he lost himself in the sweet wine taste of his mouth.

 

Sehun smiled a little against the kiss, reveling in the feeling of their lips and tongues brushing against each other. "Jongin...we have all night, right?" he asked, a soft little lilt in his voice as he looked down at him.

 

Jongin nipped at Sehun's plush bottom lip. "We do. We have all of tonight, and we have all the lives later," he agreed, a smile coming to rest on his face slightly as well.

 

"Then let's make the most of our wedding night," was all Sehun said before fingers were flying to undo buttons and zippers, peeling away suits to fall in a pile over somewhere lost in the room. 

 

Jongin didn't care, his thoughts only swirled with taking in all of Sehun. He admired him for a long silent moment, taking in every inch of pale, soft skin made available to him. He was gorgeous, perfect and unmarked. Jongin leaned in, pressing a soft kiss against his neck and began trailing his way along his body. He kissed over his shoulders and chest, licked into his collarbone and swept his tongue over his nipples and the dip of his bellybutton. 

 

Sehun whined quietly as Jongin kissed his way along him, fingers coming to rest in his hair. No matter what life they were in, what universe or time, there were certain things that never really changed. Jongin knew he would always love him in every life, knew that Sehun would always taste like sweet wine, knew that he would let out the sweetest moans and whimpers when Jongin teased him for too long.

 

The impatience grew as Jongin kissed his way down along his thighs, never making contact with Sehun's hard length. Sehun squirmed underneath him, fingers clutching in his hair. "Jongin, why are you being such a tease?" he asked, the usual whiny note creeping back into his voice that he'd heard so many times before. 

 

"Because watching you like this underneath me is so beautiful. You look so good like this. All anxious to fuck me,” Jongin said, voice dropping to a low whisper. Before Sehun could protest or whine some more, however, Jongin engulfed Sehun’s length in a single motion. Sehun let out a loud whine, hips bucking upward into Jongin’s mouth.

 

He breathed carefully through his nose in an attempt to suppress his gag reflex, hands resting on Sehun’s hips to still him. Slowly he began to bob along his length, tongue pressing into the underside of his cock as he moved. Sehun squirmed and moaned underneath him, as though it was all too much. Jongin pulled away, pressing hot kisses along the full head of his length and licking his way down toward the base of his shaft.

 

“God, Jongin, it’s been too long,” Sehun said, voice breaking off with moans as he jerked.

 

Jongin glanced up, taking in the way Sehun’s eyes were trained on him, bottom lip caught between his teeth. He looked beautiful, even with smeared eyeliner and sweaty bangs clinging to his forehead. Jongin pressed another soft kiss to his length before he asked for Sehun’s stash of lube.

 

It was only a minute later that Jongin’s fingers were slicked up and pressing inside of himself, as he sucked his cock to earn him more soft, sweet moans that were like music to his ears. He twisted his fingers and slowly thrust them inside of him in a rhythm much too slow to give himself any real pleasure. He curved the digits as he sucked hard on his husband’s  cock, and Sehun was left moaning his name loudly, head falling back into the pillows.

 

Jongin pulled away all at once, placing a kiss against his thigh. Sehun smiled a little at him, and pulled Jongin in for a kiss, tongue swiping into his mouth. Jongin moaned softly and kissed him for long minutes, hands running along his body. As he pulled away, he reached for the lube, squirting some onto Sehun’s cock and running his fingers along his length to evenly coat it.

 

Settling himself between Jongin’s thighs, he leaned in and kissed him softly as he lined himself up and began to slowly push inside. Jongin’s fingers clenched onto Sehun’s shoulders, nails digging into him as Sehun slowly filled him up. “Are you okay?” he asked quietly, pressing soft kisses along his face.

 

Jongin nodded, “I’m good, baby, go ahead,” he assured him, kissing Sehun’s collarbone.

 

Sehun swept the hair away from Jongin’s eyes and slowly began to thrust inside of him. Jongin let out a quiet whine, but his legs came to wrap around Sehun’s hips to bring him closer. Sehun kissed him softly as he set a slow, deep pace inside of him. They’d been together so many times over so many lives, and every time was as perfect as the last. Sehun craved him, and he knew every detail of his lover’s body from so many lifetimes of loving and appreciating him.

 

He wrapped his arms around Jongin, holding him close as he began to thrust in more harshly. Jongin filled him so completely, his hard cock throbbing inside of him, he didn’t have nearly as much self control as he wanted to try and have. It had been too long, this was the first time in this life, and he couldn’t hold back from wanting to be fucked properly.

  
  


Jongin moaned and whined as Sehun fucked him, nails digging into sweat slicked skin as they rocked together. Sehun let out quiet groans and guttural growls as his hips snapped into him. Everything was moving faster than he’d predicted - wanting to make it last and savor it. But the way Jongin fucked into him and his delicious cock brushed against his prostate meant that he wasn't going to last long.

 

Sehun was the first to come - stilling inside Jongin as ripples of pleasure cascades over him. He bit down on the soft skin of Jongin’s neck as his release spilled into him, and Jongin moaned, fingers reaching to pump his cock. As Sehun came down from his high, he reached between their bodies and wrapped his fingers around Jongin’s, helping him. It wasn’t long before Jongin was arching off of the bed with a long string of moans, his release spilling over their hands and stomachs. Sehun kissed him softly as he rode out the waves of pleasure.

 

After they had cleaned up, Jongin held Sehun in his arms, pressing soft kisses against his cheek. “I love you,” Jongin said quietly.

 

Sehun smiled, “I love you too. In this life, in every life.”

 

“You know...in every universe, in a hundred lifetimes...I’d always pick you.”

**Author's Note:**

> unedited. The original idea for the fic was supposed to be longer, but I hope you guys like this!!
> 
> [twitter](http://twitter.com/kumjongin). [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/kumjongin).


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